I don't know if I am being brave or dumb, well, that's a lie - I know I am being dumb. $57,000 for a school that, though I love it, will give a degree in a field that a. doesn't make money and b. is an unwise profession in the presently failing market. And I want to live in New York and be a photographer, but, if that's what I want, is it stupid of me to go for it. You know how many people live that life? Like seven...but, my thought is -- why can't I be one of seven? It's a thread of hope. We're all hanging in the sky and I am hanging on a piece of thread when every body else has a nice rope.
I don't want to be one of those people who don't follow their dreams but I don't want to be one of those people who throw their life away on dreams. I don't want to live for some one else. I know people who are living a life that some one else told them to live. I hate to say it, but I kind of loose respect for them. I don't want to live for my parents, or my teachers, or friends - I want to live for me. I know people who didn't go to their Parsons because of money - are they smart or scared? Am I brave or dumb? I know people who chose schools, majors, careers and based lives on something that their parents told them to do. They are apparently happy, but I can tell that something is wrong, that something is not right - that they wish they done what they wanted. I can see that they're living a lie and that something is missing there - that something is them - they aren't who they were born to be, but they're happy. Like, these people seem to be okay with that - I don't think I would be - I don't think that I could be one of those people. I don't want to be scared to live, but I think I am.
Should have I have gone to a school that can give me a normal life? No, because I don't want a normal life, but I would be financially stable. I would be ticky tacky. I would be normal. But in the end, I don't think that normal would fit me very well.
There is no Dulcinea. She's made of flame and air.
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